What is going on?!?!?
I realized today---right now. That I have a problem.
I have been struggling with a negative body image.
I have never really been self conscious or too self aware growing up. My mother has never made a habit of talking about physical appearance or stressing on how one should look. My dad didn’t care either. I have four brothers, who are not obsessed with looks and are typically very confident in their appearances. So where is this coming from? I have started to make the connection that within the last 2 years I have been bombarded with images of high fashion models and have been surrounded by all kinds of women with their own “body image demons”. Most women that I assist are brides. You can only imagine the emphasis on the outward appearance when it comes to the wedding day. I have also worked alongside a person who has a VERY serious body image problem. Her’s is so severe that she gets physically sick if she has to assist a customer larger than a size 14. She has called me "wide"(to my face) and referred to women my size as, ”chunky”, “fat” and “chubby”.
I, in turn, have become obsessed with how I look in the mirror. On top of becoming infatuated with my size, I have gained 20 pounds. These 20 pounds have really started to make me feel inferior and not equal with other women. I am not feeling as beautiful as I once did. I have found myself looking through album after album online of my own photos from the past 2 years. Trying to cling on to this ideal of my beauty that I know I have.
It is a poison. I feel sick to my stomach to admit that I have a problem. I have tried so hard to be the voice of body image.”Love yourself”! I try to tell this to every person I come in contact with. I need to start telling this to myself. I need to block out from my mind the negative things said about my hips and thighs. I need to rid my world of the poison of “thinspitation” (the idea that you must be thin to be happy). I am who I am!
Well, this brings me to tonight. It was tonight that I came across a photo of myself that made me write this blog post. I was a bridesmaid in my close friend Bri’s wedding. Her wedding was absolutely amazing! It was Quirky, creative, fun and beautiful; like her!
I saw this photo of myself (orange hair):
I realized today---right now. That I have a problem.
I have been struggling with a negative body image.
I have never really been self conscious or too self aware growing up. My mother has never made a habit of talking about physical appearance or stressing on how one should look. My dad didn’t care either. I have four brothers, who are not obsessed with looks and are typically very confident in their appearances. So where is this coming from? I have started to make the connection that within the last 2 years I have been bombarded with images of high fashion models and have been surrounded by all kinds of women with their own “body image demons”. Most women that I assist are brides. You can only imagine the emphasis on the outward appearance when it comes to the wedding day. I have also worked alongside a person who has a VERY serious body image problem. Her’s is so severe that she gets physically sick if she has to assist a customer larger than a size 14. She has called me "wide"(to my face) and referred to women my size as, ”chunky”, “fat” and “chubby”.
I, in turn, have become obsessed with how I look in the mirror. On top of becoming infatuated with my size, I have gained 20 pounds. These 20 pounds have really started to make me feel inferior and not equal with other women. I am not feeling as beautiful as I once did. I have found myself looking through album after album online of my own photos from the past 2 years. Trying to cling on to this ideal of my beauty that I know I have.
It is a poison. I feel sick to my stomach to admit that I have a problem. I have tried so hard to be the voice of body image.”Love yourself”! I try to tell this to every person I come in contact with. I need to start telling this to myself. I need to block out from my mind the negative things said about my hips and thighs. I need to rid my world of the poison of “thinspitation” (the idea that you must be thin to be happy). I am who I am!
Well, this brings me to tonight. It was tonight that I came across a photo of myself that made me write this blog post. I was a bridesmaid in my close friend Bri’s wedding. Her wedding was absolutely amazing! It was Quirky, creative, fun and beautiful; like her!
I saw this photo of myself (orange hair):
I was sitting here tearing myself apart. My hair, my smile, my chin, my arms, my hips, my legs, my hands.. “Look at all of my flaws” I was telling myself. “Look at my hips, arms and legs. Terrible, just terrible!”
But then, something happened...I stopped looking at myself. I started to look at the other girls. “Wow, they are so beautiful” I thought. “Why do I think I am not as beautiful as they are? What is going on with me?”
I recently told a friend about body image: “If you wouldn’t say that to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself in the mirror” I need to write this on my mirror.
I looked again at the image of us bridesmaids. I realized we are all a little different. Some taller, some slimmer, some curvier. Hmmm. This is interesting. There is nothing wrong with any of us! I would never think of any of the other girls as anything but gorgeous and I need to start implementing that idea in my everyday life too. Furthermore, I need to remember that when addressing my negative body image that I don't beat myself up for the fact that I am having these negative thoughts, there is no place for that in my healing. I need to cleanse my thoughts and embrace my hips, no matter their size. The last thing I need to do is remember to not hesitate to tell myself that I am unique, awesome and perfect the way I am. :) I hope that this short post has inspired you to remember that you do not have to be the standard of beauty established by the beauty industry. When you find yourself tearing yourself apart. Stop. Seriously. Just stop. Go find something else to do. If you are about to make a comment about your hips or arms; STOP. These words will not make you thinner. They will not make you happier. They will not make you more beautiful. You will regret these words. Always love yourself. Because, frankly, the industry does not want you to love yourself. If you did, you wouldn't buy their products (think about it).
xoxo A look at Body Image(click)
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