Thursday, May 5, 2011

LIFE

I don't know exactly what I believe anymore and I don't really care.

In 2004, when I went to Summit Ministries in CO, I was so taken with the ideals of "conservativeism" (is that even a word). I really wanted to mold everything I was around that ideal. I thought that would make me a better person, at least better than any Democrat was. I thought that If I was louder and more articulate than my opponent I would always win in debate. There was a lot of finger pointing and name calling going on. I remember being so "on fire" about proving that Evolution was FALSE and that abortion was bloody murder. Did you know that every two seconds a baby dies to abortion. Well, that's what I was told at Summit. The main focus that I took with me was "Always know what you believe". Seems easy enough right?

It's not.

Don't get me wrong, I think Summit has some positive things, like, homemade peanut butter and the hike up Red Mountain. I have made some great friends that I still talk with today.

As the years have passed, 6 almost 7, I am finding my ideals are shifting (GASP, this is almost a sin.) I am realizing that being one-sided is wrong. I was young when I went to Summit, 18, and I was really excited to "soak" up everything they spoke about, even if it was blatantly anti-democrat or even insulting. I remember the jokes said about Al Gore and gays. As I look back I remember hearing a few times "get them while their young". This was their tactic. I wanted to fit in somewhere, anywhere. As most teenagers do. I would believe anything (within some reason).
I think of how this "camp" looks from the outside now. As I look back. It is a training ground for those who want to continue in the foot steps of Reagan or Bush. To continue in the republican legacy.
Do I want to follow a world figurehead?!

I don't know exactly what I believe anymore and I don't really care.

I am not worried that I should be "right" (no pun intended) all of the time. I am not anti-evolution, anti-choose, anti-gay rights, and anti-health care.
I do know, that I want equal rights for all, that gay or straight should marry whomever they wish. That ammo should cost $2000 a bullet and that we should have free health care and try to live in peace with other nations. There are a few more things that I do, and don't, agree with. But I will save your time and mine.

I am so over being "set" in my ways. I want to be a flex-acrat or a flex-ican (I like the way that sounds). I want to listen and learn from every religion. I don't want to be easily labeled.
But, If I am labeled I want to be called: "open-minded", "understanding" and "kind".

I will continue to grow and expand my mind. I may again subscribe to an ideology or a religion. But for the time being, I hope to love all, respect all and not hate.

Call me whatever you may.

Peace to you.

2 comments:

  1. I am right there with you sister. Over the past several weeks I have determined that I am a mystic universalist and no longer a fundamentalist Christian. Yes, I have experienced God through Jesus Christ. But in a mystical way. No human theology will ever contain God. It is actually freeing (though scary) and I find my love for God is growing as He/She/It/They slowly spill out of the boxes I have put them in. Just today I am marveling in this, how Jesus has shown Himself in every world religion: http://www.tjresearch.info/legends.htm#VI.

    Yes, I will always be a follower of Christ and the Kingdom of God. Yes, I will always share that with others, but no longer what I used to think the "plan of salvation" was. Mysticism is embracing the questions and experiences for what they are and is the opposite of fundamentalism: having all the answers. Welcome, sister!

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  2. YAY! I feel so happy that I am not alone in this. Thank you for posting where you are in your life too. I have been really fighting with my thoughts, feeling almost "guilty" for wanting to expand what I have been groomed to believe. i don't want to live in this "box". It is more freeing to open your mind and listen to others as they learn as well. I look forward to our conversations and growing! Love you sister!

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